I work pretty long hours. Our office is open until 6pm, but you know how it is. Just finishing this, sorting out that, a quick chat with him, and a gossip with her takes time. By the time I get to the station and get home, it's usually getting on for 8pm.
It works out ok most of the time. If I'm meeting up with friends in the evening, I just meet them a little later. And frankly, it's not very London (daahling!) to eat at 6:30 anyway, so frankly, I'm just keeping them on the straight and narrow.
But on nights like tonight, when I have the whole blissful evening at home, I mind, just a little.
I spend so much of my day being a commuter, a customer, an employee, and then a commuter again, that I relish the hours at the end of the day (before I'm a snoozer) when I can just be me. Quietly, calmly and quite selfishly, just be myself in my clothes, in my house, in my space.
I love the moment when I can shed my office work clobber, and put on my own uniform. Slobby jeans, over-sized t-shirts, threadbare cardigan and fluffy socks. (I know ... you're wondering how a snappy dresser like me can possibly be single. It's a wonder to me too.)
There is nothing like the liberation of getting the radio on and knowing no-one will see if I have a bit of a dance in my kitchen whilst I'm cooking my dinner. And what freedom to sing along, especially when I don't really know the words! I'm the only person who can hear me, and I don't care if I'm a bit off with the lyric here or there.
If I want to retire to bed with a cup of tea and a good book (or, let's be honest, a trashy beach novel), then there's no-one here to judge me. If I want to eat ice-cream from the tub, no-one will know. If I want to watch French Kiss one more time, there is no-one who will roll their eyes.
Most of all though, I love the moment when the door closes. That split second when I go from being out, to being in, and I can relish the glorious isolation. I love the knowledge that it's just me, in my cosy little house for a few hours.
Yes, on night's like tonight, I resent every second I'm at my desk past 6pm, which is why tonight ... I was out the door on the dot. What joy!!
Conversations with a self
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